I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize