i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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