8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
