Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
