I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
