batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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