The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
