Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
