Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
