that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
