Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
