I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
