I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize