my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
