i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
