Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
