hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
