Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
