she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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