and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
