Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
