u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
