i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
