Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
