what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
