My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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