I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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