i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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