Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize