Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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