Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
