I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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