i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
