Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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