So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
