Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
