I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
