I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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