I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just had sex on a roof
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
