that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
two words...techno handjob
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
