dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
