ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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