so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
