Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
