I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
