new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
