So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
