I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
