I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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