I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
