I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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