well I can't set my house on fire every night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
