So drunk its hurt
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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