Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize