i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
