I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
