I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
