ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
