I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
