The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
