he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize