i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
