How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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