i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
