They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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