im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
