I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
