Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
