Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
