Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
