I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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