It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
