A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
