we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
