I love black thongs
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
