My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
